When I was a young new parent, someone handed me a copy of Michael & Debi Pearl's book To Train Up a Child. At the time, this simple volume seemed like a godsend. It reduced the complex to simplicity, and claimed that every child was easily raised simply by showing him who's boss. I liked that idea, when I was young and inexperienced and had yet to be baptized in spit-up and bubbles and children's laughter. Since that time, other authors have also risen up to proclaim that parenting is a simple game of mastery and will-breaking. But now that some of my children are about grown, and now that I have grown so much through contact with these children, I wonder how biblical some of these principles really are.
Christian-based programs like this one -- and the infamous Growing Kids God's Way -- claim to tell parents how to raise a child “biblically.” They recognize that a child's image of God is profoundly influenced by that early relationship with Mom and later Dad. But what sort of God do they have parents emulating? Typically one who is suspicious, overly stern and unforgiving.
When I study the Bible -- even the Old Testament with its bloody wars and judgment -- the overall picture I see of God as a parent is not the stern, hateful, show-'em-who's-boss master. The first few chapters of Genesis depict God as the parent who creates an earthly home that can only be vaguely "good" without offspring. God is the parent who looks upon those newly created children and states with satisfaction that because they are here, now life on earth is "very good." Exodus shows us God as the father who desires to lead us to "a land that flows with milk and honey." The prophets Jeremiah and Isaiah show us God as a mother who brings forth her children with great effort, and dandles them on her knees. Like a nursing mother, God can never forget her children. What if we parents were to emulate this God?
As my own six children mature and I watch them working out their own paths of life, it occurs to me that the lectures, the rewards and punishments, the programs, and the hours spent trying to mold them have had only a trace effect on their development. Their own unique personalities have been most important, and the effect I've had has come not through discipline or teaching so much as by example.
Our job as parents may not be what we think it is. It may be more about modeling right attitudes rather than molding right behaviors.
Imagine if we focused more on modeling than molding. We would feel free to shower our children with good things, happy times, close connections, acceptance, and as much responsibility as they were ready for. We would feel free to dispense with the scheduling, expectations and punishments recommended by the Pearls and their kind. Perhaps these authors read too many Cinderella-type fairy tales where the mistreated child grows up to snag the prince, while the well-loved children are horrible and spoiled. Those fairy tales are not reality. In fact, the child who grows up without love will typically not be happy or healthy. If a prince comes along he may not be interested in a person who has not learned to give and receive love.
Someone will inevitably say, "You have to teach children they can't have everything they want." The flaw in this thinking is the idea that you need to teach that concept at all. Life will teach them so, and quickly. Just tell such a person, "Don't worry. We don't live at Disney Land, we don't eat ice cream for dinner every night, and in spite of our best efforts, ear aches and bee stings happen. Life is already teaching her that things don't always go her way. My job is to teach her that sometimes things DO go your way, and that you have a right to hope for that and work for that."
I call this type of parenting "milk and honey." We give our children love, respect, and good things. We teach them to expect, long for, and demand good things from their world. We model giving good things to others.
Interestingly, La Leche League has really embraced this type of positive parenting. (La Leche League is a worldwide breastfeeding advocacy group, so we'll put them in the "milk" category of milk and honey!) They espouse "attachment parenting" which recommends that parents hold their babies most of the time, avoid leaving them to cry, sleep with them, nurse them as long as they want, and generally give them all the good, healthy things they desire.
La Leche League’s ideas are often criticized as overly permissive, but I've found that many of their suggestions are just a matter of basic respect. For example, they suggest telling a child it is almost time to put his away his toys and that dinner is cooking, instead of "put that up and come to dinner now." It is, in fact, something like the Golden Rule. You know, "Do unto [your children] as you want [your children] to do unto you." (Because when you are elderly and in their care, they probably will...)
What if we practiced the Golden Rule with our children? I've noticed that it's easy to have a double standard, especially in how we speak to our children. Parents often order children around, use sarcasm to get the point across, or express negativity toward children. Yet parents expect children to answer respectfully and look us in the eye. What if we simply spoke to them the way we want them to speak to us?
At our house, we make it a point to tell our children "please" and "thank you" and we often call them "ma'am" or "sir." Because we do this, we've not had to teach these concepts of courtesy, and if they slip a simple reminder will do. Many people have complimented us on how our children look adults in the eye, talk to them pleasantly, and are so polite. Reflecting on this, it's something we have "modeled," not "molded." That's an area where we've succeeded. One down, a few thousand to go . . . We just need a little more milk and honey.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Parenting Tips for Dummies
You don’t own them. Children are not possessions that belong to you. Children are a blessing, but it’s more important that we bless them. They are not here to entertain or titillate adults, to make us look good, to justify our existence or to give adults a whipping post for taking out anger. They are not even here to love us; they are here to be loved.
Since you don’t own them, don’t be mean to your children if they act badly in public. The public will be more disgusted with your behavior than the child’s. The purpose of discipline is to nurture and train the child so that he or she grows into a healthy adult. It is not to vent your anger, or even to make your life easier. It isn’t about you.
Note to men: Dating a woman does not give you the right to discipline her children.
Note to frustrated parents: Children are not things you can put away when you’re tired of them — not in a closet, not in a car, not in a cage, not in a drug-induced stupor, and not in a shallow grave. They are in your care, but you don’t own them.
In fact, they own you. According to the law, every child has a right to be cared for and financially supported from the moment he or she emerges into the world until the age of 18. If you are the biological or adopted parent of a minor child, that child owns you.
You have certain responsibilities, and the rest of society will condemn or punish you for failing to meet them. Children have the right to expect that their caregivers will feed them (more than once a day, and something other than Lucky Charms), clothe them, nurture them and teach them. When you can’t take care of them, you have to find someone who can.
State law does not specify at what age a child may be left alone — but 6 isn’t it. Parked cars do not make good babysitters, although they do make good ovens. For a small child, being inside a car unsupervised is as dangerous as standing in the highway. In the summer it only takes minutes for a child to become brain-damaged in a parked car (even with the windows “cracked”).
Children in cars are also at risk for kidnapping, car-jacking, parking lot wrecks, engine fires, putting the car in gear, or injuring themselves on the power windows. Many automobile-related child deaths occur in the parent’s or grandparent’s own driveway.
Committing a crime against “your” child is not somehow better than committing a crime against a stranger. In fact, it is worse because you had a responsibility to protect that particular child from harm.
Children are people. This would seem to be self-evident. You would think that when a child emerges from the womb, both new parents would look down at that tiny face — a mirror of their own — and instantly fall in love. You would think that for them, that child would suddenly become the most important person in their life — the very sun around which the rest of their solar system rotates.
But here are some tips for those parents that do not experience such a paradigm shift: Ropes are for cattle, not children. If it is illegal to do to your dog, it’s also illegal to do to a child.
Pavement is blisteringly hot, and the men’s restroom floor is nasty, so put shoes on your child when you go out. Children should never be subjected to addictive, cancer-causing, asthma-triggering cigarette smoke — and certainly not in an enclosed space like your car. Oh, and when the diaper package says a diaper will hold “up to 34 pounds,” that indicates the size of the child, not the amount of excrement it will hold.
In our society, there is no excuse for cruelty to children. If you cannot or will not give your child the basic requirements of life (food, clothing, cleanliness, safety and a little love) then please be grown-up enough to hand that child over to someone who will.
Since you don’t own them, don’t be mean to your children if they act badly in public. The public will be more disgusted with your behavior than the child’s. The purpose of discipline is to nurture and train the child so that he or she grows into a healthy adult. It is not to vent your anger, or even to make your life easier. It isn’t about you.
Note to men: Dating a woman does not give you the right to discipline her children.
Note to frustrated parents: Children are not things you can put away when you’re tired of them — not in a closet, not in a car, not in a cage, not in a drug-induced stupor, and not in a shallow grave. They are in your care, but you don’t own them.
In fact, they own you. According to the law, every child has a right to be cared for and financially supported from the moment he or she emerges into the world until the age of 18. If you are the biological or adopted parent of a minor child, that child owns you.
You have certain responsibilities, and the rest of society will condemn or punish you for failing to meet them. Children have the right to expect that their caregivers will feed them (more than once a day, and something other than Lucky Charms), clothe them, nurture them and teach them. When you can’t take care of them, you have to find someone who can.
State law does not specify at what age a child may be left alone — but 6 isn’t it. Parked cars do not make good babysitters, although they do make good ovens. For a small child, being inside a car unsupervised is as dangerous as standing in the highway. In the summer it only takes minutes for a child to become brain-damaged in a parked car (even with the windows “cracked”).
Children in cars are also at risk for kidnapping, car-jacking, parking lot wrecks, engine fires, putting the car in gear, or injuring themselves on the power windows. Many automobile-related child deaths occur in the parent’s or grandparent’s own driveway.
Committing a crime against “your” child is not somehow better than committing a crime against a stranger. In fact, it is worse because you had a responsibility to protect that particular child from harm.
Children are people. This would seem to be self-evident. You would think that when a child emerges from the womb, both new parents would look down at that tiny face — a mirror of their own — and instantly fall in love. You would think that for them, that child would suddenly become the most important person in their life — the very sun around which the rest of their solar system rotates.
But here are some tips for those parents that do not experience such a paradigm shift: Ropes are for cattle, not children. If it is illegal to do to your dog, it’s also illegal to do to a child.
Pavement is blisteringly hot, and the men’s restroom floor is nasty, so put shoes on your child when you go out. Children should never be subjected to addictive, cancer-causing, asthma-triggering cigarette smoke — and certainly not in an enclosed space like your car. Oh, and when the diaper package says a diaper will hold “up to 34 pounds,” that indicates the size of the child, not the amount of excrement it will hold.
In our society, there is no excuse for cruelty to children. If you cannot or will not give your child the basic requirements of life (food, clothing, cleanliness, safety and a little love) then please be grown-up enough to hand that child over to someone who will.
Why the Name-Calling
Bedwetters, communists, feminazis, girly-men . . . You can tell the Republicans are scared when they resort to name-calling — which, of course, means they are scared most of the time.
They rule from a position of fear, and they seek to project that fear onto the rest of us. Remember when GWB promised that electing Gore would result in another terrorist attack? It almost sounded like a threat. It was not true, of course. American voters did in fact elect Gore and nothing happene...Nothing at all. (Though, of course, some would liken the judicial fiat employed to put GWB in office, and GWB’s subsequent bombing of small countries, as a form of terrorism.)
When the village Republican calls you a terrorist for opposing the escalation in Iraq, this is just more of the same. Calling Hillary Clinton a communist — now that’s a real case of the pot calling the kettle black. Hillary Clinton is a Democrat. If anything, she may lose the primary for being too moderate.
Do not believe the lying liars who tell you Hillary Clinton wants to confiscate your property and distribute it among the poor. Do not even fall for the more common pronouncement that Democrats always raise taxes. Truth is, Democrats are often the only voice of reason crying against a tax increase.
Just last week, Republican Governor Sonny Perdue raised your taxes without even bothering to tell you. Every time you fill up your car, you will pay even more for your gasoline, thanks to an automatic gas tax increase that Perdue allowed. The only state officials who took a stand against the gas tax are Democratic legislators like Rep. DuBose Porter.
The evil of communism is not that communism teaches sharing what we have, or feeding those who cannot work. The Bible teaches the same thing. The evil of communism is that freedoms are stripped from individuals — among them: the right to speak freely and privately; the right to elect a government of by and for the people; and the right not to have our homes occupied or our family members arrested without cause.
When it comes to freedoms like these, our Republican president is the biggest Big Brother since the days of McCarthyism.
Bush scrapped the Geneva Convention and reinstituted torture as a sanctioned military procedure. Previous military wisdom taught that fair treatment of prisoners encourages your enemy to surrender. Enemy combatants will never put themselves at your mercy if they expect to be tortured, abused and mistreated. Result: The abuses at Abu Ghraib have produced an enemy that will never surrender.
Bush eliminated the right of habeas corpus. Once upon a time, people could not be detained unless they were alleged to have committed a particular crime. Result: People may just disappear, like they did in Stalin’s Russia.
Bush launched a “pre-emptive” war based on lies, non-existent weapons of mass destruction, and fabricated ties to 9/11. Result: Vietnam-like quagmire in Iraq.
Bush claimed that the only way to protect American freedom is by getting rid of it. Result: The PATRIOT Act.
Bush used PATRIOT to destroy many of our civil liberties, including the right to check out a library book without Big Brother reading over our shoulder, or the right to know our home is about to be searched. Result: Death of “knock and announce,” end of library privacy — heck, even your church records can now be accessed by the government, and church officials are not allowed to tell you if it happens.
Bush also used PATRIOT to erode the privacy of Internet and telephone communications without making his spies wade through the pesky delays caused by all that unnecessary red tape formerly known as “due process.” Result: Domestic spying.
Bush’s administration uses some of the same coercive tactics seen in fascist countries to surround himself only with those who agree with him, get rid of those who don’t, and force even his friends to abandon any principles that get in the way. Alberto Gonzales fires attorney generals who don’t tow the party line. Karl Rove uses the DOJ to settle partisan conflicts. Scooter Libby leaks the name of a CIA agent to retaliate against her husband, who challenged the WMD-in-Iraq claim.
Stalin would be proud.
But have the growth of Big Brother and the occupation of Iraq really made the world a safer place? The State Department recently reported that terrorist attacks worldwide shot up 25 percent over the last year, while terrorist fatalities increased 40 percent.
The numbers in Iraq are particularly dismal. In 2006, 65 percent of worldwide terrorist-related deaths occurred in Iraq. In fact, this represents a 91 percent increase in the number of terrorist incidents in Iraq.
Republican commentators will tell you that the plan is working —after all, there has not been a second attack on American soil! Anyone who buys this argument is conceding that America was safer under Bill Clinton; after all, it was on GWB’s watch that the 9/11 was allowed to happen.
Although Osama bin Laden took credit for the attack, GWB hardly went after him at all. He bombed and devastated Afghanistan, one of the poorest countries in the world, causing thousands to starve and sending the infant mortality rate sky-rocketing.
But he let Osama bin Laden slip away. GWB even said — some time after 9/11 and Osama’s admission that he was the mastermind behind it — that he rarely thinks of Osama anymore.
He attacked Iraq instead. The fact is that GWB has had a score to settle with Saddam, and stated as much during his 2000 campaign. 9/11 gave him an opening to dupe the American people into accepting a quagmire in Iraq. It has been over four years since GWB stood on the deck of an aircraft carrier beneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner, and the mission is still not accomplished. In fact, the war is bloodier than ever.
We support our troops, and we want them home. Bush has steadfastly refused to open his eyes and ears to the American people. As a result, his popularity has plummeted so steeply that Republican presidential candidates are abandoning the current administration like rats from a sinking ship. At the recent debates, Republicans condemned Bush more soundly than the Democrats did.
Just remember, as you see these men desperately disavowing their leader, that they participated in and support the same curtailing of your freedoms.
Republicans who tell you that Democrats want to “take away your freedoms” are either liars or just plain stupid. Over the last seven years, our freedoms have been quietly pulled out from under us while our eyes were trained on hypnotic red, orange and yellow terror warnings.
The government is now bigger, more bloated and more heavy-handed than it has ever been. The trade deficit is out of control (particularly with China) and as a result the U.S. has lost over 3 million manufacturing jobs since Bush took office in 2001.
So when you hear the conservatives trashing their opponents with third-grade epithets, remember what Mama always said: People call names because they have nothing intelligent to say.
Jeannie Babb Taylor is a local business leader and author. She also teaches Sunday school, educates her children at home, and engages in Georgia politics. To contact Jeannie, E-mail jeannie@babb.com.
They rule from a position of fear, and they seek to project that fear onto the rest of us. Remember when GWB promised that electing Gore would result in another terrorist attack? It almost sounded like a threat. It was not true, of course. American voters did in fact elect Gore and nothing happene...Nothing at all. (Though, of course, some would liken the judicial fiat employed to put GWB in office, and GWB’s subsequent bombing of small countries, as a form of terrorism.)
When the village Republican calls you a terrorist for opposing the escalation in Iraq, this is just more of the same. Calling Hillary Clinton a communist — now that’s a real case of the pot calling the kettle black. Hillary Clinton is a Democrat. If anything, she may lose the primary for being too moderate.
Do not believe the lying liars who tell you Hillary Clinton wants to confiscate your property and distribute it among the poor. Do not even fall for the more common pronouncement that Democrats always raise taxes. Truth is, Democrats are often the only voice of reason crying against a tax increase.
Just last week, Republican Governor Sonny Perdue raised your taxes without even bothering to tell you. Every time you fill up your car, you will pay even more for your gasoline, thanks to an automatic gas tax increase that Perdue allowed. The only state officials who took a stand against the gas tax are Democratic legislators like Rep. DuBose Porter.
The evil of communism is not that communism teaches sharing what we have, or feeding those who cannot work. The Bible teaches the same thing. The evil of communism is that freedoms are stripped from individuals — among them: the right to speak freely and privately; the right to elect a government of by and for the people; and the right not to have our homes occupied or our family members arrested without cause.
When it comes to freedoms like these, our Republican president is the biggest Big Brother since the days of McCarthyism.
Bush scrapped the Geneva Convention and reinstituted torture as a sanctioned military procedure. Previous military wisdom taught that fair treatment of prisoners encourages your enemy to surrender. Enemy combatants will never put themselves at your mercy if they expect to be tortured, abused and mistreated. Result: The abuses at Abu Ghraib have produced an enemy that will never surrender.
Bush eliminated the right of habeas corpus. Once upon a time, people could not be detained unless they were alleged to have committed a particular crime. Result: People may just disappear, like they did in Stalin’s Russia.
Bush launched a “pre-emptive” war based on lies, non-existent weapons of mass destruction, and fabricated ties to 9/11. Result: Vietnam-like quagmire in Iraq.
Bush claimed that the only way to protect American freedom is by getting rid of it. Result: The PATRIOT Act.
Bush used PATRIOT to destroy many of our civil liberties, including the right to check out a library book without Big Brother reading over our shoulder, or the right to know our home is about to be searched. Result: Death of “knock and announce,” end of library privacy — heck, even your church records can now be accessed by the government, and church officials are not allowed to tell you if it happens.
Bush also used PATRIOT to erode the privacy of Internet and telephone communications without making his spies wade through the pesky delays caused by all that unnecessary red tape formerly known as “due process.” Result: Domestic spying.
Bush’s administration uses some of the same coercive tactics seen in fascist countries to surround himself only with those who agree with him, get rid of those who don’t, and force even his friends to abandon any principles that get in the way. Alberto Gonzales fires attorney generals who don’t tow the party line. Karl Rove uses the DOJ to settle partisan conflicts. Scooter Libby leaks the name of a CIA agent to retaliate against her husband, who challenged the WMD-in-Iraq claim.
Stalin would be proud.
But have the growth of Big Brother and the occupation of Iraq really made the world a safer place? The State Department recently reported that terrorist attacks worldwide shot up 25 percent over the last year, while terrorist fatalities increased 40 percent.
The numbers in Iraq are particularly dismal. In 2006, 65 percent of worldwide terrorist-related deaths occurred in Iraq. In fact, this represents a 91 percent increase in the number of terrorist incidents in Iraq.
Republican commentators will tell you that the plan is working —after all, there has not been a second attack on American soil! Anyone who buys this argument is conceding that America was safer under Bill Clinton; after all, it was on GWB’s watch that the 9/11 was allowed to happen.
Although Osama bin Laden took credit for the attack, GWB hardly went after him at all. He bombed and devastated Afghanistan, one of the poorest countries in the world, causing thousands to starve and sending the infant mortality rate sky-rocketing.
But he let Osama bin Laden slip away. GWB even said — some time after 9/11 and Osama’s admission that he was the mastermind behind it — that he rarely thinks of Osama anymore.
He attacked Iraq instead. The fact is that GWB has had a score to settle with Saddam, and stated as much during his 2000 campaign. 9/11 gave him an opening to dupe the American people into accepting a quagmire in Iraq. It has been over four years since GWB stood on the deck of an aircraft carrier beneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner, and the mission is still not accomplished. In fact, the war is bloodier than ever.
We support our troops, and we want them home. Bush has steadfastly refused to open his eyes and ears to the American people. As a result, his popularity has plummeted so steeply that Republican presidential candidates are abandoning the current administration like rats from a sinking ship. At the recent debates, Republicans condemned Bush more soundly than the Democrats did.
Just remember, as you see these men desperately disavowing their leader, that they participated in and support the same curtailing of your freedoms.
Republicans who tell you that Democrats want to “take away your freedoms” are either liars or just plain stupid. Over the last seven years, our freedoms have been quietly pulled out from under us while our eyes were trained on hypnotic red, orange and yellow terror warnings.
The government is now bigger, more bloated and more heavy-handed than it has ever been. The trade deficit is out of control (particularly with China) and as a result the U.S. has lost over 3 million manufacturing jobs since Bush took office in 2001.
So when you hear the conservatives trashing their opponents with third-grade epithets, remember what Mama always said: People call names because they have nothing intelligent to say.
Jeannie Babb Taylor is a local business leader and author. She also teaches Sunday school, educates her children at home, and engages in Georgia politics. To contact Jeannie, E-mail jeannie@babb.com.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Monday Morning
It’s 9:00 on a Monday morning. On Chapman Road in Ringgold, an elderly woman is slowly boarding the Trans-Aid bus for her daily ride to the Nutrition Center. At the Nutrition Center, she’ll enjoy good conversation, a lively activity and a hot meal. That bus is her life-line. It is the key to her independence. It’s what allows her to go on sleeping each night under her own heavy quilt inside her own cozy yellow house.
Did I mention that she is boarding slowly? A minivan pulls up behind the Trans-Aid bus, but not too closely. The driver of the minivan (that’s me) is watching the little old lady board. I’m also watching a silver-haired pedestrian walking down the road in the other lane, wondering whether she’s strolling or boarding.
I’m not impatient. In fact, I am thinking what a blessing Catoosa Trans-Aid has been to my own family. Just a few years ago when Granny was still in her 90’s, the Trans-Aid bus was Granny’s lifeline, too. That bus allowed family members to keep her in our homes even though we all worked full time.
I watch the elderly woman put one foot on the step. The bus is not just for the elderly, I remember. My cousin, who cannot drive due to visual impairment, depended on the Trans-Aid bus during her high school years for trips to the library and appointments. She graduated with honors, and then went on to earn her degree in psychology from Lee University. She is currently pursuing her master’s degree. This bright young woman is a success because of her own hard work – but also because the community stood behind her in the form of supportive teachers and counselors and, you guessed it, Catoosa County Trans-Aid.
A car pulls up behind my minivan, and perhaps another. The pedestrian weaves and continues walking. The elderly woman is still, slowly, boarding the Trans-Aid bus.
It’s 9:01 on a Monday morning. The Fed Ex driver pulls out of the apartment complex parking lot, but in his mind he is already approaching his next stop, and the next, and the next. He is already walking into the sheriff’s office and a dozen other Ringgold locations, with an envelope or a tube in one hand and his digital clipboard in the other.
The FedEx driver sees the line of cars stopped in front of him. He sees the bus and the double-lined stretch of road that falls out of sight in front of the bus, the dip creating a blind spot to oncoming traffic. He sees the elderly woman boarding and the pedestrian walking in the other lane.
But it’s 9:02 on a Monday morning. He has places to go, packages to deliver. He steps on the accelerator and swerves into the other lane, barreling past the line of cars, past the pedestrian who steps quickly into the grass, past the little old lady and the Trans-Aid bus. As he tops the hill, a horn sounds. His pulse quickens, but then he breathes a sigh of relief – There are no cars coming up the blind hill and no one pulling out of the blind driveway on the way down. Grinning, he makes his way to the next stop.
His day is pretty ordinary, racing from here to there delivering his sturdy red-white-and-blue packages – until he walks into an office he knows well, package in hand, and someone asks, “Were you on Chapman Road at 9:02 this morning?”
He knows exactly why I am asking. He never admits he was on Chapman, yet he rushes into a torrent of defense: the pedestrian stepped out of the road, he passed “only” three vehicles at a time, and besides that he ran the scenario past the sheriff right after it happened and received the okay from him.
I call Sheriff Summers myself, and he assures me the conversation never took place. Further, the sheriff states that no driver should pass a bus with flashing lights, and that Georgia law allows drivers to pass only one vehicle at a time, not three or four.
A call to Trans-Aid confirms my understanding that their buses are to be given the same courtesy as a school bus. A call to FedEx produces an apology from an anonymous operator, but three weeks later, no manager has yet bothered to return my call.
We must not allow the busy-ness of the American business culture to trump compassion for the weak and the frail. Overnight packages are not more important than pedestrians, or elderly women boarding the Trans-Aid bus.
Whether we are professional drivers or just ordinary class C drivers trying to get around town, we could all stand a dose of patience, especially when it comes to the school bus or the Trans-Aid bus. It will not kill you to be 30 seconds late. It may even save your life some Monday morning.
Did I mention that she is boarding slowly? A minivan pulls up behind the Trans-Aid bus, but not too closely. The driver of the minivan (that’s me) is watching the little old lady board. I’m also watching a silver-haired pedestrian walking down the road in the other lane, wondering whether she’s strolling or boarding.
I’m not impatient. In fact, I am thinking what a blessing Catoosa Trans-Aid has been to my own family. Just a few years ago when Granny was still in her 90’s, the Trans-Aid bus was Granny’s lifeline, too. That bus allowed family members to keep her in our homes even though we all worked full time.
I watch the elderly woman put one foot on the step. The bus is not just for the elderly, I remember. My cousin, who cannot drive due to visual impairment, depended on the Trans-Aid bus during her high school years for trips to the library and appointments. She graduated with honors, and then went on to earn her degree in psychology from Lee University. She is currently pursuing her master’s degree. This bright young woman is a success because of her own hard work – but also because the community stood behind her in the form of supportive teachers and counselors and, you guessed it, Catoosa County Trans-Aid.
A car pulls up behind my minivan, and perhaps another. The pedestrian weaves and continues walking. The elderly woman is still, slowly, boarding the Trans-Aid bus.
It’s 9:01 on a Monday morning. The Fed Ex driver pulls out of the apartment complex parking lot, but in his mind he is already approaching his next stop, and the next, and the next. He is already walking into the sheriff’s office and a dozen other Ringgold locations, with an envelope or a tube in one hand and his digital clipboard in the other.
The FedEx driver sees the line of cars stopped in front of him. He sees the bus and the double-lined stretch of road that falls out of sight in front of the bus, the dip creating a blind spot to oncoming traffic. He sees the elderly woman boarding and the pedestrian walking in the other lane.
But it’s 9:02 on a Monday morning. He has places to go, packages to deliver. He steps on the accelerator and swerves into the other lane, barreling past the line of cars, past the pedestrian who steps quickly into the grass, past the little old lady and the Trans-Aid bus. As he tops the hill, a horn sounds. His pulse quickens, but then he breathes a sigh of relief – There are no cars coming up the blind hill and no one pulling out of the blind driveway on the way down. Grinning, he makes his way to the next stop.
His day is pretty ordinary, racing from here to there delivering his sturdy red-white-and-blue packages – until he walks into an office he knows well, package in hand, and someone asks, “Were you on Chapman Road at 9:02 this morning?”
He knows exactly why I am asking. He never admits he was on Chapman, yet he rushes into a torrent of defense: the pedestrian stepped out of the road, he passed “only” three vehicles at a time, and besides that he ran the scenario past the sheriff right after it happened and received the okay from him.
I call Sheriff Summers myself, and he assures me the conversation never took place. Further, the sheriff states that no driver should pass a bus with flashing lights, and that Georgia law allows drivers to pass only one vehicle at a time, not three or four.
A call to Trans-Aid confirms my understanding that their buses are to be given the same courtesy as a school bus. A call to FedEx produces an apology from an anonymous operator, but three weeks later, no manager has yet bothered to return my call.
We must not allow the busy-ness of the American business culture to trump compassion for the weak and the frail. Overnight packages are not more important than pedestrians, or elderly women boarding the Trans-Aid bus.
Whether we are professional drivers or just ordinary class C drivers trying to get around town, we could all stand a dose of patience, especially when it comes to the school bus or the Trans-Aid bus. It will not kill you to be 30 seconds late. It may even save your life some Monday morning.
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